Non Serviam

by Mental Disease

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credits

released December 10, 2016

All music composed and arranged by Mental Disease
All lyrics by J. Werner; except "Non Serviam" by R. Korn and J. Werner
Recorded 2015-2016 at Melting Rox by David Böhme and Paul Fichtner
Drums recorded by Christian Beck
Mixed by Paul Fichtner
Mastered by Thomas Tikay Küchler at Suedwand Recording Studios
Cover by Roman at Mental Contamination
Artwork concept by Mental Disease
Logo by facebook.com/zs.graphic / zettess.tumblr.com

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Mental Disease Chemnitz, Germany

Founded somewhen in 07, still enjoying the things we create.

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Track Name: Non Serviam
Krieg dem Kriege.
Common sense, first victim of your war
died before the first shot fell
sheer wisdom to fight fire with fire –
the logic of our great authorities.

Count with me not as your servant
for I will not and never
Serve and suffer this soil
as I'm not one of your brainwashed spineless puppets

Honor my pride! - Honor my life!
The ones you turn to heroes
are clowns lipsticked with blood
Deny your medals.
Suffocate from your gold!

NON SERVIAM!
I reject your infant's sandpit game
make me not your puppet
for I will hold my strings alone...

("Non Serviam" represents our denial towards the insanity of war. The first line of the song is taken directly from the book of Ernst Friedrich by the same name, meaning "war against war" in German. The lyrics are also influenced by a poem written by Bertolt Brecht, "Die Legende vom toten Soldaten" (The Legend of the Dead Soldier). War is the worst of all social errors, forcing young people to obey blindly, to die for conflicts they haven't caused or devastate cities they haven't built. Apart from other failures of mankind, war didn't ever serve any good, but has only shown the stupidity of our species in its most disgusting form)
Track Name: Someone Awake Me
I did not feel, I did not see
when eleven thorns were stabbing me
aghast I beheld the plagues and fevers
I witnessed through the sight of a shroud

Someone awake me
from this lucid dream
someone awake me
from this fleshly slumber

Tear me off this skin
break my spine and eat my flesh
so that I may escape
into the aethyr

I've grown immune to everything
that once wounded me
Have I not been here, drowning in these sands
I used to play in as a child?


(At times, it is difficult to make your individual perception and your idea of an 'objective reality' harmonize with each other; in our darkest hours, it often seems, as if the dividing line between both vanishes most easily. These are the nights of hardship, where you find yourself intoxicated, half-unconscious, lost between seemingly hostile concrete buildings, struggling to find your way to a place you call home.)
Track Name: Eternally Recurrent
Not now, not ever, not yet again
falling faint, dozens of times
All that is, is the purest nothingness
of pure primordial love.

You take a nail and draw it through my skin
Connect the scars to letters, read your taunting verses
Swallow my blood again, it's never been worth the pain
of deforming my heart to stones.

No more words!
Words carve wounds!
I've bled for times now and the blood just burns my skins
I beseech you
Pull me back on the feet you have broken.

I ask of you to forgive me
for thinking you were able to tear off this blindfold from my eyes
And for attempting to quench my first...

I owe you so much for absolutely nothing
but I will never be able
to tell, nor to give you back
for I would prefer pushing splinters of thorns
through all my arteries

The only goal I've set myself
voiding this bottle of wine
till the bells toll twelve

I climbed the ivy up the wall
to hide behind a futile line
struggling through limbs of oaks
to hide that I weep blood and venom
Forgive me for spending every second
awake with these illusionary memories.

And for the sole sake of forgiving myself
for always escaping
and always drowning...

You shattered temples that were sacred to me
I confess, ending lines never mattered to me
so I will continue
sleeping in beds that I've never truly lain in.

And as I scream these lines
my aching throat runs dry
only for you to comprehend...
I still find empty spaces
between the words I screeched
bleeding unto patient shards of paper.


(The title of these lyrics loosely alludes to Friedrich Nietzsches theory of the Eternal Return of the Same, assuming, that the world and the universe is recurring infinitely. But contrary to most of his concepts, in my case, the idea of an infinite circularity is used rather ironically, meaning basically that every person you meet or know has the potential to severely disappoint or hurt you. Whereas most of the times, this may be not the case, but when it is, it may strike you like a stone in your face. These one or few experiences of total bleeding and numbing grief all of us have made, perhaps in different ways. What Nietzsche and I share in our views however, ist the idea of "Amor fati" ("loving your fate", meaning 'fate' non-divine, rather as your current state of being). Embrace these things as the pages that'll make your biography in the end!
"Eternally Recurrent", on the other hand, has an introspective meaning and is by far the most personal song I've ever written.")
Track Name: I Am Apostasy
I worship the Promethean fire
for it burns in the depths of my soul
I discovered the self
to sanctify the original sin.

Virtues of the falsehood -
your wine I turn to vinegar
I am divine and holy
Through my wisdom, and my atrocity.

I am the enemy!
I am apostasy!
I am vengeance!
I am God!

You truly are the lion
tearing me into your greedful mouth
From this you exist
Living through fear
rejection of true love and joy

I poison your wells.
Burn your harvests.
Scatter your seeds.
above the stars of God
Deliver me not of evil.
For the evil is you.

Your god is dead. Hallelujah.


("I Am Apostasy" is obviously an attack towards any forms of human weakness, expressed in metaphysics, esoterics or religion. A main source of inspiration was of course Goethe's poem "Prometheus", although within this song, these motives are converted through the tongue of the 16-year old kid that I was when I wrote these lines.)
Track Name: State Of Anaemia
I behold...
your cold remains in my arms
as tears
a thousand tears they run down
Life abandoned us for now
inapt to say „farewell“
I make a sigh
of the same meaning.

In dusk my heart dwells
frozen by death's grip
how shall I live again?

„Lover, do not mourn my death
serene your life shall be
as it was of most precious beauty“

Do you remember how it was?
How we have danced 'neath maple trees?
How we felt the pulse of life in our veins?

„Deny it not, our time arrived
I feel no pain but one for you
I whisper thee such tender words:
'Forget me not'“

I failed to see
the warnings
but still in death your beauty shines
To stranger spheres
the air escapes
a silent kiss
to tell of hope

Vacant is my heart
forever it will be vacant!
Have we come this far
our traces in the snow now covered?
And sadness will last...

To forget for a second
the suffocating grief of live
and soon we shall realize
the fragileness of beauty

"I follow thee
and make a heaven of hell
to die upon the hand
I love so well"

Deprived of all that I loved
my heart it lies there bleeding
torn asunder we were
two lives estranged by stranger hands

So it shall end?
Only transparent memories remain
Hither we came
to close to the flame

I failed to see
the warnings
but still in death your beauty shines
To stranger spheres
the air escapes
a silent kiss
to tell of hope

Vacant is my heart
forever it will be vacant!
Have we come this far
our traces in the snow now covered?
And sadness will last...


(With these lyrics I covered a subject that is quite unusual for us: death. "State of Anaemia" is strongly influenced by the style of Shakespearean tragedies; even citing some lines of the second verse directly from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" (Act II, Scene 1). As the epitome of tragedy, a story is told about two loving people, and the loss of one of them. The deceased person is still present in the mind of the living one; thus the latter wants to follow the first into death. I apparently liked Shakespeare A LOT back in the days.)