Eternally Recurrent

from by Mental Disease

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Not now, not ever, not yet again
falling faint, dozens of times
All that is, is the purest nothingness
of pure primordial love.

You take a nail and draw it through my skin
Connect the scars to letters, read your taunting verses
Swallow my blood again, it's never been worth the pain
of deforming my heart to stones.

No more words!
Words carve wounds!
I've bled for times now and the blood just burns my skins
I beseech you
Pull me back on the feet you have broken.

I ask of you to forgive me
for thinking you were able to tear off this blindfold from my eyes
And for attempting to quench my first...

I owe you so much for absolutely nothing
but I will never be able
to tell, nor to give you back
for I would prefer pushing splinters of thorns
through all my arteries

The only goal I've set myself
voiding this bottle of wine
till the bells toll twelve

I climbed the ivy up the wall
to hide behind a futile line
struggling through limbs of oaks
to hide that I weep blood and venom
Forgive me for spending every second
awake with these illusionary memories.

And for the sole sake of forgiving myself
for always escaping
and always drowning...

You shattered temples that were sacred to me
I confess, ending lines never mattered to me
so I will continue
sleeping in beds that I've never truly lain in.

And as I scream these lines
my aching throat runs dry
only for you to comprehend...
I still find empty spaces
between the words I screeched
bleeding unto patient shards of paper.

(The title of these lyrics loosely alludes to Friedrich Nietzsches theory of the Eternal Return of the Same, assuming, that the world and the universe is recurring infinitely. But contrary to most of his concepts, in my case, the idea of an infinite circularity is used rather ironically, meaning basically that every person you meet or know has the potential to severely disappoint or hurt you. Whereas most of the times, this may be not the case, but when it is, it may strike you like a stone in your face. These one or few experiences of total bleeding and numbing grief all of us have made, perhaps in different ways. What Nietzsche and I share in our views however, ist the idea of "Amor fati" ("loving your fate", meaning 'fate' non-divine, rather as your current state of being). Embrace these things as the pages that'll make your biography in the end!
"Eternally Recurrent", on the other hand, has an introspective meaning and is by far the most personal song I've ever written.")


from Non Serviam, released December 10, 2016



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Mental Disease Chemnitz, Germany

Founded somewhen in 07, still enjoying the things we create.

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